I Just Don't...

         I honestly just do not understand why everyone is a hater. Everyone hates on everything. It isn't like it is a new trend!!!! Just because you hate doesn't make you better than who you are hating on. No matter what, if you are a hater, you are hated back. It seems like hate is the only feeling nowadays, no love. Why can't everyone just forget the past and move on? How about, everyone reading this, just forgets something from the past that is bringing you down. Bullied in school? Forget that, they dont know the REAL you. Forget the past and move on. Stand tall. Show everyone who you really are. Not that one girl/guy that was "weird" or "was stupid", but who you REALLY are. Not who they think you are or say you are, but who you want to be and just be you. Not the girl that was "ugly" or "fat", but the girl that is stronger and far more Beautiful than any who disagree. If you are you, you are amazing and no one could ask for more. Not the kid that was "wothless" but the Person that is worth more than gold. Forget the hate, remember the Love. Loose the pain, get the new.                                                Just Be You.

Best Friends

     Today me and my best friend had an "argument". I know it was my fault because the reason we were fighting was because I honestly hate myself, for everything. She was there for the ups and downs for me and I never actually realized that. She says I need help. I scratch my wrists when I feel down, or hurt. She yells at me all the time because of that. Today she was pissed, she said I needed help, I refused. I hate arguing with her because she is my bestie, the only person I feel is Actually my friend nowadays. My bestie from last year is totally ignoring me and I have no idea why and it is killing me. But true best friends are Always there for you, no matter how stupid.

                                          Lesson today?
                                                 Friends come and go, But besties are like siblings,
                                                             You are stuck with 'em forever.

What is in a Mirror

         It is really sad, all girls look at themsleves as ugly, or fat. And they are like the skinniest girls I have seen. This society has honestly fucked up everyone's perspective. Everyone is "Too fat" or "Too Skinny". What I see? Well, every girl I see is Perfect. Perfect in their own way. Yes, some girls are skinnier and all that but, if we were the same, what would life really be like? I believe it would be chaotic. Everyone would be confused. There would be more hate.
         Everywhere I look these days there is more and more pain, and hate. Why is everything about looks and money? Every girl has to be under 70 pounds, they have to wear makeup to be "popular" and feel beautiful. Makeup just shouldn't have to exsist. I mean, we souldn't need it to feel "beautiful" every girl is already beautiful enough. If society just cannot get that through it's thick skull then, it isn't worth trying to impress. Why don't we try looking through a new perspective that everyone Is beautiful, no matter what.


                               What I learned today?
                                      We don't need to feel beautiful, as long as we have
                                                                                                Love.

Behind the Screen

        You know, it is really funny what people think they can do on the inernet. They think they have complete immunity. It is honestly hilarious. 
       
        This is another story of something that change one of my perspectives.

        I have had my past with cyberbullying, it hurt so much before. But today, it was different. I don't really know what happened with me. I feel like a totally different person. It started like an hour ago on ask.fm , you know the anonymous questioning site. Well, this person thought it would be fun to send me "questions". It started with "you are seriously gonna be a bad cheerleader" it actually made me laugh, why? Because I knew it was one of the girls that didn't make it, one girl started rumours about me so I would get kicked off, which made me laugh too. Then they went to "ur an ugly ass bitch and u hav a unibrow ew". I mean, seriously? That was funny, cuz i knew I didn't have a unibrow... Hopefully..... But the perspective of mine that changed was, why be negative about it? I mean, that is what they want so, why do it? I honestly am one of the most positive people about cyberbullying because I know exactly who they are. And if it really bugs me I just ignore it.

              What I learned today?
                            The haters are just people that cannot accomplish good things
                                                                                                  themselves.

The First Realizations

So, this is my first blog so, I wanted to make it special. I wanted to possibly make a difference. I know, when you guys start reading this you are going to think I am some crazy girl with big dreams she can't accomplish, well, I am here to prove you wrong. 

I am always seeing people around me looking at everything from the wrong perspective, the way I, too, have looked through. From all of the changes and obstacles I have been through, I realized, you have to look at all the possibilities, not just one quick judgement. 

My brother had brain cancer, it was hard, not because he got so much attention or because we had to go to his doctor appointments so often, but because I had to watch him suffer. He passed away at age 15, it was the hardest thing ever, but we had to look and see, now he isn't suffering. Throughout the years I had to watch him get bullied because he was smaller than other boys his age, beause he had a hearing aid because the tumor effected his hearing, because he was in a wheelchair because he wasn't strong enough to walk stabily.

Ever since the night he left us, I looked at everything differently. Nothing was really the same. Without him there, I felt, Empty. 

I found myself gaining weight after that. I was always being bullied for my looks and things like that but after my perspective changed and I started to understand things I was begining to become more sensitive. Everything people would say would hurt so much. I know I probably set myself up for that but sixth grade came and I broke. I cried once I got home from school. In the mornings I woke with puffy eyes due to crying myself to sleep. At school I was all smiles because I didn't want people to make fun of me even more. One day, my mom came to the school and went to the Vice Principal. She told him I was being bullied, so, they called me up to the office. I had to rat out all of the people that were calling me fat, ugly, useless, and so many more names. I honestly did not want to tell them who because I knew what would come after. 

Later that day I was in my 5th period class talking to the teacher while the rest of the students stomped in. One of the kids that I had to rat out walked in and shouted that I told on them and I was such a little baby tattle-tale. I bursted into tears and ran outside. 

After my mom talked to the Vice Principal the bullying got even worse. I told my mom it was getting worse because of that, she said I needed to stop being a tattle-tale when she was the one that went to the Vice Principal even though I told her not to. I started trying to hurt myself in class and my whole personality was changing.  By the 7th grade I was cutting my wrists and I swallowed pills every morning hoping it would take the pain away. I found myself taking deep breaths when we walked by people smoking, i know, it isn't much, but, it was getting worse. I had my one friend I told everything to though, she talked me out of commiting suicide so many times. Once I got a facebook I saw how much bullying there was. Everywhere there was cyber-bullies talking about how these girls are fat and ugly as shit. That broke my heart. It changed my perspective, so much.

That is what made me realize, I Am Not Alone.